Life Is A Cabaret
by Sevi Snape
Summary: Severus and Lucius go to 'Deadly Poison'. the best 'Gentleman's Cabaret Club' in the wizarding world. Guess who is working there, at the Cabaret?
1. The Deadly Viper

Disclaimer: characters are JKR's and the song is 'Don't tell Mama' From the Broadway Show Cabaret. Enjoy!

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**Life is a Cabaret**

"Come on Severus this will be fun." Lucius smirked as he nodded to the door man.

"Lucius I hardly think coming to a, ahem, 'Gentleman's Club' called 'Deadly Poison' can be described as fun." Severus said standing with his arms crossed looking at the outside of the club that was in the centre of Knockturn Alley.

Lucius didn't pay much attention to Severus' comment and merely strode up to the door and walked through. Dejectedly Severus followed suite. Inside it wasn't as rancid as was to be expected. It was dark and lit by candles.

"Evening Mr. Malfoy, your usual table?" the man behind the desk asked taking Lucius cloak. 

Severus looked at Lucius with a raised eyebrow.

"Usual table? Come here often?" Severus said handing his own cloak over.

"Not if I can help it," Lucius smirked as he followed the man.

Severus rolled his eyes at his friend usual way of turning a simple phrase into a double entendre and following the wake of Lucius.

In the large hall there was a dance floor at the centre and a stage at one end. Lucius usual table was next tot the stage and also the steps down to the dance floor. The dance floor of course wasn't for the men, just the dancers that were hired here. It was rather tastefully decorated, mahogany and ebony wood everywhere and emerald green table clothes and velvet curtains. As usual it exuded Slytherin pride; well the patrons were probably Slytherins once. 

"Not as bad as you thought then?" Lucius said signaling to a scantily dressed waitress. "Two double scotches, with ice." He said and watched the girl walk away.

"I'll admit it's not as sleazy as I had expected but it's not my idea of fun. It's a glorified brothel, no more."   Severus said.

"Well dear friend wait until the show starts, they don't call it deadly poison for no reason. This place is addictive, and it kills your finances slowly. A better name would be 'the vipers den', hey that's doesn't sound bad. Could be a new business enterprise here!" Lucius mused.

Severus just sat there looking round for his drink, he had the feeling it was going to be a long night and he had to put up with the most pretentious git around. The girl did appear with the drinks in a short time and Severus drank half of his in one mouthful.

"Who's on tonight then?" Lucius asked the girl.

"Meurtrier Couleuvre" the girl said and blew Lucius a kiss as he handed her 2 sickles as a tip. 

"The girls here are so friendly." He laughed, taking a sip of his own drink. 

"Deadly Viper?" Severus said to himself.

"What's that?" Lucius asked.

"I said, Deadly Viper, that's what Meurtrier Couleuvre means." Severus said. 

"Really? I didn't know you spoke French." Lucius said.

"Yes and Latin and a few other languages. " Severus said as the band started.

The curtains opened to reveal a girl sat on a chair, only the chair had its back facing the audience and she straddled it so she was facing forward. She had a top hat on and she was looking at the floor so you couldn't see her face, her hand was in front of it. 

**Mama**

The girl looked up and you could see she had an emerald green mask that just covered her eyes. 

**Thinks I'm living in a convent,**

**A secluded little convent**

**In the southern part of ****France****.******

The last line was said with an American accent. She rose off the sit, her legs still either side of the chair but now she was standing. She put one leg in the edge of the chair and pushed it away with her foot.

**Mama**

**Doesn't even have an inkling**

**That I'm working in a Nightclub**

She turned so she had her back to the audience, looked over her shoulder and wiggled her bum, clad in red lace pants.

**In a pair of lacy pants.******

She made her way sexily down the steps tot the dance floor. And sat on the knee of the man nearest the stage. He looked like Christmas had come early. She leaned back into his arms and started to draw patterns on his front with her finger with a mock pleading look on her face.

**So please, sir.**

**If you run into my Mama,**

**Don't reveal my indiscretion,**

**Give a working girl a chance.**

She jumped up and put her finger on her lips.

**Hush up, **

**Don't tell Mama,**

**Shush up,**

**Don't tell Mama...**

**Don't tell Mama,**

**Whatever you do.******

She pointed at Lucius and beckoned him to her. 

**If you had a secret,**

**You bet I would keep it.**

**I would never tell on you.**

He got to her and she faced him and dropped to her knees like she was begging with him.

**I'm breaking every promise that I gave her,**

**So won't you kindly do a girl**

When we thought she was about to unzip his trousers she turns to someone else and grins.

**A great big favor?******

She got up and pushed Lucius back towards the direction of his seat. 

**And please, my sweet potato,**

**Keep this from the Mater,**

Pointing at someone else she leant forward, revealing her chest that threatened to fall out of the corset.

**Though my dance **

**Is not against the law.******

Again wiggling her bum. Then turning and doing large arms gestures, point and shaking her head.

**You can tell my Papa, that's all right,**

**'Cause he comes in here every night,**

**But don't tell Mama what you saw!**

She half skipped, half tap danced across to Severus and straddled him like had done the chair. And put her hands on his chest, grinning at the rest of the audience.

**Mama**

**Thinks I'm on a tour of ****Europe****,**

**With a couple of my school chums**

**And a lady chaperone.**

Pulled her hands into a shocked gestured either side her face and stood up still straddling him. 

**Mama**

**Doesn't even have an inkling**

**That I left them all in ****Antwerp******

**And I'm touring on my own.**

Leaning in she kissed and then got off his lap pulled his knees apart and dropped to her knees again, in a praying position with her clasped hands resting on his crotch.

**So please, Sir**

**If you run into my Mama**

**Don't reveal my indiscretion.**

She got up and walked away looking back over her shoulder to him.

**Just leave well enough alone.**

Finger on lips and leant forward to reveal her breast again.

**Hush up,**

**Don't tell Mama.**

**Shush up,**

**Don't tell Mama;**

**Don't tell Mama**

**Whatever you do.******

She was walking back up to the stage looking back at the men, swinging her hips as she went.

**If you had a secret,**

**You bet I would keep it.**

**I would never tell on you.**

The chairs was back there, she put one foot on the side of it and her hands on her knee, shaking her hips.

**You wouldn't want to get me in a pickle,**

**And have her go and cut me off**

**Without a nickel.******

Stood still but straddling the chair.

**So let's trust one another,**

**Keep this from my mother,**

**Though I'm still as pure as mountain snow.******

She sat down sideways on the chair, leaning back and one leg straight up in the air the other had its foot resting on her knee.

**You can tell my Uncle **

**Here and now**

**'Cause he's my agent anyhow,**

**But don't tell Mama what you know.**

Let her leg drop so she was sitting but still with her foot on her knee.

**You can tell my Grandma**

**Suits me fine**

**Cos yesterday she joined the line**

**But don't tell mama what you know**

From her position she swung her leg over the back of the chair, so her back was facing the audience and leant back so she was upside down.

**You can tell my brother, **

**That ain't grim**

**'Cause if her squeals on me**

**I'll squeal on him,**

She sat up and the chair swung round so she was in her original state at the beginning of the show.

**But don't tell Mama, bitte**

**Don't tell Mama, please, Sir.**

**Don't tell Mama, what you know.**

She leaned in as if confidentially.

**If you see my, Mummy, mum's the word!**

Then the lights went out on the stage and the curtains drew. The audience went wild. Severus sat there in a state of shock. 

"Told you this was a good place!" Lucius laughed.

Severus finished the rest of his drink in one mouthful. Lucius laughed and continued sipping his drink casually. Almost instantly, as if apparated next to them, the waitress was back with another drink for Severus. 

"There you are sir." She said leaning over him and laying the drink down, she also had a corset on barely containing her breasts. 

Severus handed her a galleon this time and looked at Lucius. 

"Your not the only one with money." He said smiling.

"Don't be so thrifty or they won't go away." Lucius said trying not to smile, or show that Severus had got to him.

"The problem with that is?" Severus asked raising an eyebrow.

The night dragged on and several more acts were on but Severus couldn't get the first girl out of his head. She seemed familiar; he didn't know how on earth she could be.

At about 3am Lucius stood up.

"Come on, you can stay at Malfoy manor tonight." Lucius said looking at a drunken Severus. 

When Severus got drunk he went very quiet and introspective, and usually did what ever Lucius told him. 

"Alright" he said and got up unsteadily. 

He followed Lucius out and staggered backwards when the cold night air hit him. Lucius took hold of his arm and apparated them both to Malfoy manor. They reappeared in the guest room at the manor. No one else was home, it was term time so Draco was at school and Narcissa had gone for a pampering weekend in one the spas in Japan.

Using a spell Lucius stripped Severus naked and lay him down on the bed before removing his own clothes. He got into the bed and covered both of them up with the blanket. He leaned forward and kissed Severus who responded immediately. The night had had them both aroused to the point of bursting so why go it solo when the other was there to help?

Lucius was already hard when he kissed Severus and a drunken Severus was not going to protest too much. Hell, Lucius would place money on the fact that Severus enjoyed it as much as he enjoyed women. 


	2. Return to the Cabaret

Life is a Cabaret – part 2  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Severus woke next morning in a large bed with and immense hangover. He couldn't remember much of what happened after about 12 the night before.   
  
"Oh god my head hurts." He moaned into what thought was an empty room.   
  
"Well that will teach not to drink so much then won't it?" Said Lucius from next to him, completely naked and looking like he was asleep.   
  
"Last night when we got back, I didn't, did I?" Severus asked.  
  
"Three times, and I find it most off putting when your screaming 'Meurtrier' when you orgasm." Lucius said still not moving.  
  
Severus lay there for a while trying to think about what happened the night. The last thing he remembered was giving the waitress a kiss after the 5th drink. But the rest of it was not in his memory.  
  
  
  
~~*~~  
  
  
  
After breakfast Severus was working the Malfoy library. He didn't know why it was still here really, none of the houses residents used the library. Draco certainly didn't, not judging from the mess off his homework's, fill of wrong or unchecked facts, bad spellings and the likes. Lucius never used it, preferring his own study as it was silent and more intimate.   
  
"Are you hungry?" Lucius asked ungraciously striding into the library.  
  
"No I'm ok for the minute, I ate at breakfast." Severus said not looking up from the books he was copying notes from.   
  
"That was 10 hours ago." Lucius said picking a book up and looking at it with a quizzical look, as if it was far from him how anyone could enjoy such things.   
  
"It was?" Severus said shocked looking up. "What time is it?"  
  
"Well if its 10 hours since we had breakfast and we ate breakfast at 10.30 this morning, you do the maths." Lucius said looking impatient.   
  
"Oh I'm sorry; I got engrossed in my research into…" Severus began but was cut off by Lucius.  
  
"I couldn't give a damn. Listen how about another trip to that theatre tonight? I'm sick of the sight of this place." Lucius said with a look that suggested he had an unpleasant smell under his nose.   
  
"Yes, suits me fine." Severus said putting the quill back into its correct place and leaning back in his chair.  
  
"You don't have to you know. I know you think its sleazy." Lucius said, already knowing Severus was itching to go back.  
  
"No its fine, I don't mind." His mind was already on the dancer.  
  
Meurtrier Couleuvre, the deadly viper.   
  
  
  
~~*~~  
  
  
  
They arrived at the club at about 10pm. Again they were shown to Lucius table.   
  
"Well what did I tell you? Addictive." Lucius said looking at the stage.  
  
"Evening Lucius." A waitress in a mask smiled giving him a drink.  
  
"Ah Meurtrier, my dear." Lucius said accepting it.  
  
"I saw you here last night. How did you like the show?" she asked looking at Severus while he was talking.   
  
"Oh it was ok. This is Severus," Lucius said nodding at Severus and handing her a sickle.  
  
She kissed him on the cheek and left.  
  
"You know that girl?" Severus said watching her retreating back.  
  
"Know her? Best damn whore in this place. What do you think I do when you or Narcissa is not here?" Lucius said and started to drink his whisky, not bothering to ask Severus if he wanted one.   
  
After about half an hour the lights dimmed and there was a spotlight in the stage. The curtains opened to reveal a throne like chair and two girls, on in black corset and stockings and the other in emerald green.   
  
"Good evening gentlemen!" the dark haired girl dressed in a black.   
  
"Yes good evening!" added her partner, Meurtrier. "As you know I am Meurtrier Couleuvre and this is…"  
  
"Angela Desmonda!" the girl in black shouted. "Yes dear your not only famous girl here."   
  
Severus shook his head in disbelief.  
  
"What is it?" Lucius whispered.  
  
"The names! Angela Desmonda, means angel of the devil in Greek." Severus said.  
  
"Oh well I would say she is! Damn tease that one!" Lucius said and continued to watch the stage.  
  
"Well Angela what is tonight's playbill?" Meurtrier asked.  
  
"Well I don't know how about we ask him?" Angela pointed at Lucius table and the light came up on Severus.   
  
Almost immediately both girls were by his side and took and arm each and escorted him to the stage. They sat him down in the chair and stood either side of him.   
  
"Well it appears he has Two Ladies!" Angela said and the music started.   
  
The each sat on his knee and started to dance around him.  
  
  
  
  
Bee-dle-dee bee-dle-dee dee,  
Bee-dle-dee bee-dle-dee dee,  
Bee-dle-dee bee-dle-dee bee-dle-dee bee-dle-dee dee.  
Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.  
Two ladies.  
Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.  
Two ladies.  
Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.  
And he's the only man, ja!  
Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.  
We like it.  
Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.  
He likes it.  
Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.  
This two for one!  
  
Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.  
Two ladies.  
Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.  
Two ladies.  
Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.  
And he's the only man, ja!  
  
Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.  
He likes it.  
Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.  
We like it.  
Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.  
This two for one!  
  
I do the cooking  
And I make the bed  
He goes out daily to earn our daily bread.  
But we've one thing in common  
He,   
She   
And me,  
The key,   
The key,   
The key.  
Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!  
We switch partners daily  
To play as we please,  
Twosise beats onesise,  
But nothing beats threes.  
He sleeps in the middle,  
I'm left,  
And I'm right.  
But there's room on the bottom   
If you drop in some night!  
Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.  
Two ladies.  
Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.  
Two ladies.  
Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.  
And he's the only man, ja!  
  
Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.  
We like it.  
Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.  
He likes it.  
Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.  
  
This two for one!  
Bee-dle-dee bee-dle-dee bee-dle-dee bee-dle-dee dee!  
  
  
  
  
  
During the song they ran their hands over him and generally tempted and teased him. he didn't move, too intimidated and enjoying it.   
  
When the song was over they both kissed his cheek and the lights switched off. He heard them leave and suddenly he was sat back in his seat.  
  
"Well starting to like this place then?" Lucius asked sneering, probably jealous.   
  
  
  
~~*~~  
  
  
  
After a few more drinks a spot light came up on the stage again.   
  
"Well this seems like your lucky night gentlemen. It seems you have another peek at our lovely girls." Came a voice booming round the hall.   
  
The curtains opened for the second time and again Meurtrier was there in a top hat and was holding a cane sat with her legs crossed elegantly and hands on knees.  
  
  
What good is sittin' alone in your room?  
Come hear the music play,  
Life is a cabaret old chum  
Come to the cabaret.  
Put down that knittin', the book and the broom  
Time for a holiday,  
Life is a cabaret old chum  
Come to the cabaret.  
Come taste the wine, come hear that band  
Come blow your horn, start celebratin'  
Right this way, your table's waitin'  
No use permittin' a prophet of doom  
Wipe every smile away, yes  
Life is a cabaret old chum  
Come to the cabaret!  
  
I used to have a girl friend known as Elsie  
With whom I shared four sordid rooms in Chelsea  
She wasn't what you'd call a blushing flower  
As a matter of fact she rented by the hour  
The day she died the neighbors came to sneaker  
Well, that's what comes of too much pills and licqueur  
But when I saw her laid down like a queen  
She was the happiest corpse I'd ever seen  
I think of Elsie to this very day,  
I remember how she turned to me and said:  
What good is sittin' alone in your room?  
Come hear the music play,  
Life is a cabaret old chum  
Come to the cabaret  
  
And as for me,  
As for me,  
I made my up back in Chelsea  
When I go, I'm going like Elsie,  
Start by admitting go cradle to tomb  
Isn't that a longer stay  
What good is sittin' alone in your room  
Come hear the music play, yes  
Life is a cabaret old chum  
It's only a cabaret old chum  
And I love a cabaret!  
Yes, life is a cabaret old chum  
Only a cabaret old chum  
So come to the cabaret  
  
  
  
The dance was every bit as sensual and erotic as that of her first dance, only this time she didn't leave the stage. When the song was over she walked down the steps to Severus and handed him a key and winked at him before walking away. There were cat calls from the men and everyone seemed to act as if Severus had been given the crown jewels.   
  
"Well she seems to like you Severus." Lucius said extremely put out.  
  
"What is the key for?" he asked bemused.  
  
"that's dear friend," there wasn't a bit of friendliness in his tone, "is a key to her room, meaning you can spend one night here with her, for free." He said and ordered yet another drink.   
  
Severus put the key in pocket and looked around. People were trying to get a look at him. Who was this man who had been given all this attention by, as Lucius had put it, 'the best damn whore here?'  
  
"I'm leaving," Lucius growled knocking back the rest of his drink and getting up.  
  
He left without as much as offering Severus a word of farewell.  
  
"Want to use that key now then?" said a woman at his ear. 


End file.
